You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
