My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
