she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
