On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
