This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
