i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
