Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
