I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
