I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize