Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
