guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
