For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
