I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
