Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
