bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
