i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
