Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
