yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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