i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize