Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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