u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I don't think brook has ever known best
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
