summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
