ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
