too bad you live with your parents still
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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