"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My life is pants optional.
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