Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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