smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
