Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
