he shaved USA in his pubs
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
