I can text with my tongue
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
