Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
