that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
