i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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