dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
