That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
