I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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