listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
