cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize