i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
