How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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