turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
