I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
