NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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