So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
