I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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