fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
