Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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