apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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