One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize