So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
