So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize