I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
