Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
