We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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