there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
