I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
