Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
