holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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