i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
