I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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