I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
