pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
