did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
