I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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