Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
