i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
