theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
