The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
