she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
