I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
