I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just crazy horny about you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
