Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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