She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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