Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
